Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
only if we run a train.
done.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
