I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
