Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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