I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
