you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
