Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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