The best revenge is premature balding
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
