I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
