Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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