shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
