It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
