People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
