Your tits are I can't wait for
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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