Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
