Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have surprise drugs for everyone
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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