My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
