I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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