I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
