i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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