shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
