I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
