He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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