I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
