4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
