id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
