I just gift wrapped bread.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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