The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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