I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
