I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
