The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
