I think I died a long time ago.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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