i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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