And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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