I want to stick my p in your. b.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
