The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
