there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
