Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
