May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
