I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
