I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
