perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
