I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
