The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
