My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
