i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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