One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
my poor anus
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
