no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
now i know why i became what i already was.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
