You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
