I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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