i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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